Review: Star Trek Into Darkness

To Infinity…and Beyond!  So starts the brand new Star Trek film of the rebooted/divergent time-line Trek franchise.  Ok, not really, instead it starts a lot like an Indiana Jones flick with Kirk (Chris Pine) and Bones (Karl Urban)  running the fuck away from a group of (awesome-looking) natives (or aliens in this case).  ALSO there’s a volcano going off and only Spock (Zachary Quinto) can stop it!  You have questions about why and how?  Who cares? It looks shiny and colourful and it’s fun.  I enjoyed it, but I sure as heckington don’t respect it!


Here’s the premise;  a very pale British dude called Harrison (Benedict Cumberbund) has terrorijissomed all over future London and Starfleet command want to get him.  Kirk  is assigned to hunt him down, requiring the Enterprise to venture deep into enemy territory. To aid the mission, Kirk is given some super-secret experimental weapons with him to use in case everything turns to shit.  Got all that?  Great.  After that there are some action scenes and then it’s over.


Stare up the nostrils of evil

You have questions?  Too late, there’s an action scene all up in your face!  This is pretty much the tone for the whole film – a carnival of sci-fi delights for your eyes.  Sure, there’s a plot and subplots, don’t worry about that, look, now we’re jumping out of a spaceship!  Now we’re fighting a horde of Klingon warriors!  Now we’re forgetting to take our ADHD medication!  And here’s a slightly cheesy reference, but don’t worry about that because there’s another set-piece to enjoy.  If you probe too deeply, sticking your fingers into the plot holes, it’s gonna come back a little stinky, but that’s alright, because the surface is polished to a mirror shine.  I mean, the older series weren’t exactly deep anyway – Trekkers might argue, but they’re wrong.  The show could bring up interesting moral and philosophical debates, but would generally abandon them and have a lame action scene.  The deflector was generally utilized somehow.  I didn’t watch the original series, because everything produced prior to about 1997 moves far too slowly for my new media-addled hyperactivity disorder.  I watch Die Hard to meditate.



The selling point of this flick is that it’s a carnival ride of visual delights. You needn’t worry too much about the various character’s motivations.  Wait, he’s bad now?  Ok, cool, he’s seemed kinda bad.  They’re shooting again!  Stuff!  Any confusion about why exactly something had happened was blasted in a hail of phaser-fire and lens-flare.  And that was just fine.  Almost everything looks pretty great – the alien planets, the sets and design and all that shit.  The redesign of the Klingons deserves a mention, I reckon they looked great – heavily armoured and obelisk-like, they both bridge the gap between The Original Series (Genghis Khan) and The Rest (Space Vikings), while adding something new.  They always spend far too much time on the bridge in Star Trek, which feels constrictive.  They avoid that, compared to other Trek films, by taking much of the action outside.  Alice Eve’s character is rather pointless and they get her to strip down for some contrived reason (*editor’s note – more like Alice Beave -er,  amiright?) , for which writer Damon Lindelof later apologized.  Spock is pretty great – he gets all the best lines, apart from a few cheesy clunkers.  Go see this film if you like stuff in your eyes but not so much in your brain.  It’s a mix between Prometheus (2012) and Crank (2006), which somehow works better than you’d imagine.

Have listen to our discussion on the movie HERE.




  1. great post. i loved this movie. it was one of the best of the year to me. check out mine on this topic

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